


Things my Heart used to Know.

by BunnyHasA03



Series: The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to be Friends while Immortal [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Fear of Death, Hurt No Comfort, I dont know what to tag, Immortal Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Immortal Karl Jacobs, Immortal ranboo, Karl Jacobs Needs a Hug, Karl Jacobs-centric, Karl is very scared of dying, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Memory Related, Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Mentions of Death, Minor Violence, No Romance, Scars, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, im so sorry, maybe a little bit of comfort, we can all hug in the comments its okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29046969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyHasA03/pseuds/BunnyHasA03
Summary: Karl had been here many times before, but the candles had never been lit, and the small wooden table had never been set. The figure who normally hunted him sat on one end of the table, motioning for Karl to sit across from them.“Don’t be afraid.”The once familiar sound that often rang through his head was now in front of him, clearer and slightly higher than Karl had come to know it. He stood still, afraid to move, to make a mistake. The edges around them were the clearest they’d ever been, dressed in shining armor, cracked mask still obscuring their face, allowing Karl one last bit of denial.----------Karl is exhausted after coming back from Mizu, falling asleep in his chair and remembering more than he ever thought he could.Beta Read by ketamine_hd
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs & Ranboo
Series: The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to be Friends while Immortal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139453
Comments: 17
Kudos: 243





	Things my Heart used to Know.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ketamine_hd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ketamine_hd/gifts).



> WARNINGS JUST IN CASE!
> 
> There are mentions of death, and slight allusions to and descriptions of violence. 
> 
> \--  
> Song recommendations- 
> 
> Once Upon a December - Anastasia Original Broadway Cast Recording
> 
> I Can't Handle Change - Roar
> 
> Since I Saw Vienna - Wilbur
> 
> A Dream of You - Far Caspian  
> \---  
> I am so sorry for writing this
> 
> Disclaimer-  
> This fic is strictly about their characters in the DreamSMP! This in now way reflects the real people behind the characters! Enjoy the story!
> 
> -2/1/2021-  
> HI????? THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT HOLY CRAP! UHH I'M TRYING TO WRITE MORE FICS BUT I'M PRETTY SLOW, THANK YOU!!KSFJDHDFKSJ 105 KUDOS?? *ascends*

No matter how many times Karl had done this, he would never get used to how much dying hurt. 

Issac had been killed, and Karl had to endure the pain, coughing up blood until he woke up on the cold stone next to his portal. 

Karl slowly pulled himself up, cracking and popping his joints into the warmth of movement. A dull ache pulsed through his head as he walked over to his chest and pulled out two books and a poster. 

He dragged himself into his room, pulling out one of the books and scratching _The Lost City of Mizu_ across the top of the page. He wants to sleep, to let the exhaustion lift off his skin, but he knows better, knows that tomorrow he won't remember what he needs to. So Karl sits down and swims through the headache and fog.

What did he remember? 

First he tried to think of simple facts, anything to bring himself back. 

The color of his hoodie, the names of his friends, the date, the time.  
What he did yesterday, why he was here, how he wore his hair, the colors of his fiance's eyes.

And when his own thoughts couldn’t answer, Issac’s stepped in.

His shirt was blue, his friends were Bad, Ranboo, Sapnap and Quackity. It's 10pm, January 24th, 2030. Yesterday he had gone fishing, but today he was here to write his tales down and to file away his memories. He always wore his hair down, and his fiance's eyes were brown and black.

The more he tried to fight Issac’s thoughts the more intense they became. He could feel it happening, he could feel himself forgetting these things. His head burned, _it hurt_ , and he couldn’t do anything except glare holes into the pages in front of him. 

Benjamin's sweet smile and soft voice perfectly smoothed over Bad’s toothy grin and objections to vulgarity. 

Charles's half remembered punchlines replaced Ranboo's convoluted jokes. 

Cletus's loud, brash voice overtook Quackity's noisy and bold one. 

Ranbob's kindness and stuttering covered up his early memories of Dream.

He forced himself to focus on the pages in front of him, to not ask questions and just scribble down what happened, scrambling through his brain, digging for the facts. He wrote about the city, no stories of maintenance slimes or food shortages. 

When his hand stopped moving his thoughts were empty, and Karl slid The Lost City of Mizu to the side. He pulled out his other book from his bag, once again falling into an empty stare as he wrote down what little he could scrounge from his mind. 

He writes what he’s thinking, arguing with himself in the pages, wondering why he keeps traveling even though he forgets more and more and more each time. Wondering if he’ll be able to remember _himself_. Wondering if he can right the wrongs he’s seeing. Ending his entry with a reminder, one that rang familiar in a way he couldn’t bring himself to describe. 

Karl traced the dark ink as it stumbled across the page. He wouldn’t be able to read this later. 

And with that realization, he slammed the book shut, letting exhaustion fully soak itself into his bones, his mind drifted to the things he wanted to forget. 

Karl wanted to forget he could time travel, to forget what dying feels like, to forget the eyes of every person who’d killed him, wanted to forget every person he’d become and subsequently killed. 

Instead he settled for sinking into his chair, his chest still aching from Issac’s death.

No matter how many times he died, or how long it had been since he last died, those painful memories stuck with him. Those moments haunted his dreams, kept him awake till someone wrapped their arms around him and kept his thoughts grounded.

One memory, one dream, held out in Karl’s brain, one that felt older than himself, so faded that he could only recollect the eyes of his killer and the weapon they used.

Sometimes, Karl thinks he remembers something new. Occasionally his dreams would have a flash of green, or a shoulder strap, maybe a mask. Sometimes, he would try to run, sometimes he would hide, but the outcome never changed. The figure would find him, warn him to not forget, then sever his head. Deep down Karl knew who it was but his heart dragged him into ignorance, shielding his mind from the past.

He sighed and leaned back, staring at his ring, the simple gold band shimmering under the candlelight. Issac’s thoughts had started to fade, even though his memories wouldn’t, at least not for a while. With his mind no longer humming with questions and arguments, his eyes finally gave in to his exhaustion, falling closed while his mind finally quieted down.

\-------------------------------

Karl had been here many times before, but the candles had never been lit, and the small wooden table had never been set. The figure who normally hunted him sat on one end of the table, motioning for Karl to sit across from them. 

“Don’t be afraid.” 

The once familiar sound that often rang through his head was now in front of him, clearer and slightly higher than Karl had come to know it. He stood still, afraid to move, to make a mistake. The edges around them were the clearest they’d ever been, dressed in shining armor, cracked mask still obscuring their face, allowing Karl one last bit of denial. 

“Sit. Please.”

Karl weighed his options, his curiosity winning as he sat in the chair across from _him_. He avoided meeting eyes with his past, deciding to admire the walls, and ask a question.

“What is this?”

A hum came from the other side of the table.

“You tell me Karl. I was looking forward to our little routine.”

Karl clenched his hand, head flooding with the hazy recollections of every night he’s spent in this house. The scars covering his body ached, reminding him, screaming for him to remember, _remember_.

"I… don't… I can't…"

His hands shook, eyes still darting around to avoid the thing in front of him. 

"You can. Tell me. Why am I sitting here, like I’m waiting for dinner?" 

A familiar annoyance had threaded into its voice pulling Karl in, a warning that he could be killed at any moment. 

"I think… do... you have something to tell me?"

Karl’s voice dragging through the air, every other thought turning to fear, trying to stop him from facing the enemy in front of him. 

"Correct. Do you know what I have to tell you?"

Karl stayed silent.

"Of course not. You can't even remember what I look like." 

That caught his attention. Karls eyes darted to the mask, watching the edges fade into its surroundings. 

"I know who you are. I know… I know what you've done."

A laugh.

"Do you? Can you trust your memory?"

Before Karl could answer, the man continued.

"I don't think you can. Tell me Karl, why am I here?”

Karl’s head spun, the room around him shifting back to how he remembered it. The edges of the room were hazy, details hollow and missing, and Karl now sat alone at the now empty and cracked table. The dream had almost completely reverted back to usual, only missing the killer himself. 

Karl waited, unsure of what else he _could_ do. 

A hand tapped against the door three times.

He kept waiting. 

The knocks kept coming until a voice called out for him.

“Karl! Let me in, please!” 

The kindness draped around the edges of the voice were uncharacteristic, hiding daggers and needles underneath. 

“Who is it.”

Karl did not need to cover his sword with silk. 

“Dream, I told you we were meeting today? This is really not like you.” 

Karl didn’t trust that. And surely realizing this, Dream called again. 

“Ranboo’s with me?”

Dream had told the truth, hadn’t he? Karl really didn’t remember, not well enough at least. So he stood, opening the door and seeing Ranboo. 

“See, I told you he’d answer if you told him I was here!”

Karl smiled, stepping aside to let Dream and Ranboo in. He had to see this through.

“So what brings you here Dream?”

“You don’t remember?”

Karl hated how Dream said it with such sincerity, true intentions so deeply repressed, almost as though they were friends.

Karl found himself becoming increasingly frustrated with his memory.

"I… don't... "

It hurt, to be this helpless in the face of danger.

“I’m sure you can! Come on, tell me!”

Everything felt fake to Karl, every word, every movement feeling too foreign, as though Dream had crafted it himself. He felt sick. All too familiar with the daggers below to let himself sink into the gentle friendliness of Dream and Ranboo.

“Do you have something important to tell me?”

“That's right!”

Dream lifted his mask, eyes filled with a warmth few had seen, and no matter how much Karl had tried to argue, his memory, for once, had not been faulty. He looked to Ranboo, looking for any sort of mistake, any sort of lie as he stood behind Dream with the same expression. 

The truth hurt, stung as he came to realize he was Dream’s friend. Dream hid his daggers in silk not to deceive Karl but to protect him. Ranboo had come with Dream as a friend, not under any sort of pressure except the gentle waves of empathy.

The comfort in Dream’s face wasn’t fake, no matter how much Karl wished it was. He felt faint recollections of everytime he had seen and felt the friendly warmth of Dream and Ranboo, in quiet moments just like these. 

Karl laughed, giving up, letting himself relax the smallest bit for the first time in a while.

“Alright then Dream, tell me, what’s so important that you had to see me in person?”

“What, does it have to be something important? Can’t bros just hang out?”

Ranboo laughed, nudging Dream with his arm.

“Come on man, cut to the chase, we’ve got stuff to do!”

Dream scratched the back of his head, laughing awkwardly.

“Fine, fine, but let's sit down, this might be a lot to take in.”

His voice trailed off slightly near the end, an attempt at hiding the emotion threatening to burst forward. Ranboo shot him a concerned look, though it quickly faded. 

Karl waved them towards his table, allowing himself this brief moment of faith. 

The air between them was light in a way that could only come from years of trust, years of secrets shared and bonding moments. It was an air Karl wanted to live in. One that made his chest ache and his head spin. One that was more real and raw than any he’d felt before. 

Sitting around his table felt so familiar, they had to have done this so many times before, leaving Karl to hold back tears as he tried to think, tried so hard to remember the days that had brought him to this moment, finding nothing but the scrambled sounds of the countless people from his travels, their own comforting smiles and bonds, their own soft air. 

“I wanted to ask for a favor.”

Karl was afraid of what Dream was going to say next.

“And this isn’t like… me wanting to borrow some diamonds, this is … much more than that.”

Dream’s body language had shifted, his hands fidgeting with one another on the table in front of him. 

“Karl I… I need you to go back in time. For me.”

Was that all? Karl didn’t understand the problem.

“Dream all this drama, for that?”

“It's not the traveling that I’m worried about. It’s… What I want you to do.”

Oh. 

Karl stayed quiet, letting Dream speak.

“I need you to… forget about me. Forget about our friendship.”

_Oh._

“Dream, are you serious?”

His hands stilled.

“Deadly.”

“Dream why would you want to forget us?”

Ranboo’s voice cracked as he held in his tears, trying his best to stay composed. 

Dream wasn’t doing much better, opting to slip his mask back over his face. 

“I don’t want to. I need too.” 

The gentle air had been thickening slowly, quickly turning sour at the tone of Dream’s voice. 

“I… I don’t want to put you two in danger. Please Karl, just… move on okay? Travel back in time and make sure that you, Ranboo and I never meet.”

Karl knew what his answer would be. He would say yes. He would never feel the comfort of their trust, never be able to share stories between immortals, never be able to have the secret of his travel free. 

“How long do we have?”

“Karl!”

Karl’s chest ran cold at Ranboo’s cry. This wound was ancient. A wound older than any death. A wound older than himself.

“As long as we want.” 

Karl smiled, eyes flooding with tears, mind flooding with hurt, hurt, hurt. 

“Can we just sit and talk, one last time?”

His own voice sounded so foreign, so broken and hurt. 

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Dream tried his best, but Karl could see the tears on his chin. 

\-------------------------------

How long had Karl been passed out?

He rubbed the crust from his eyes, looking to the clock hanging on the wall. 10:00 am. His head hurt like he’d been crying, and the countless voices in his head all spoke up at once.

What was his dream about? 

Probably another nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Here's a hug and some tissues just in case you need them, have a good day/night!


End file.
